Friday, May 6, 2011
These days I've been extra careful what I write on here.
I'm a judgmental person inwardly, even though that rarely (I hope) comes out outwardly. Next time you interact with me, just know that I'm secretly judging you.
I get angry that we're not all better people. I get angry at myself for not being better than I am, and I get angry at other people for not being better than they are.
Which is stupid. I'll readily admit that.
And my temptation, often, is to write scathing opinion pieces which slam judgment down on the world and the people in it for not being better than they, or to write some self-righteous BS piece that makes me feel good about being better than a lot of other people.
I can't tell you how many half-finished BS pieces of writing are sitting unfinished in my blog, because I wrote it, then read it, and realized that it came off as judgmental and self-righteous and know-it-all, and didn't publish it. It's rather shaming to admit that I contain such poison sometimes.
But until a few days ago, I didn't get what the problem was. I didn't understand that the reason everything I've been writing was coming off sounding like that was because my heart has been judgmental, self-righteous, and know-it-all.
What's that verse? "Out of the abundance of the heart, the mouth speaks"? Yeah, makes sense.
I want to be different. (Don't we all?) I want to be able to speak with grace, not to shame people into agreeing with me, or push them away in resentment. And while I'd love to make my opinions known, I don't want to do it in a way that makes it seem that anyone who disagrees with me will be thought less of by me. Who among us wants that? I don't want to be thought less of by others for my beliefs or opinions; why, then, would I do that to others? "Whatever you wish others would do to you, do also to them."(ESV translation: I love the way they word this.)
I thank God I haven't posted some of the pieces I've written; that He gave me the discernment to keep from hitting that "publish" button. And may I be given fresh inspiration to encourage, uplift, and exhort in my future writings, rather than judge.